sometimes I have nothing to say
today is one of those days
so you can fill in the blanks on the page provided;

from my muse – The Fly;

take time to ponder
reflection inspires great thinking

even as you are sleeping
dreaming gives you strength
to know that everything is possible

the past is only a memory
you can know nothing of what is to come
the present moment is all you have
your time is now

to be alive is to know this

Rising early I showered before rushing a frugal breakfast. I made my way slowly down the stairs careful not to disturb the rest of the family as they slept. Once through the front door I was quickly striding through the streets and bracing myself beneath the bright blue sky. I walked past houses – some inhabited by sleeping couples reluctant to spoon or even share the same bed – others by lonely singles longing to share their beds and their hearts. I walked on through streets of parked cars, dust bins, lamp posts, and discarded junk mail sodden from a night of rain. I walked and continued to walk without any real destination or purpose. I simply left the house quietly and began walking on account of not being able to sit still. I haven’t stopped walking yet . . .

As the music whirls through my head, heart and body I fall to the floor exhausted. There is a possession that sometimes grips me like a fever and it comes upon me without warning. Like a marionette I begin to thrash and twitch to the beat as the melody reverberates through my muscles like electricity. This involuntary ecstasy wrings the breath from me and leaves me stunned and satiated. Music is madness and I am insane from it.

My dreams
blind birds
in the dead of night
glide silently
softly perch upon
my fears
my hopes
weave their nests
lay their eggs
and sit

before they hatch I will awake

Day 64 and I am still writing even if only for myself since I have no idea if anyone is reading. But that was never the purpose – the thought that anyone would be reading that is. The purpose was always that I should be writing and writing I am. I am glad that I committed to transcribing from my journal to my blog because it is the blog that keeps me focussed. The reason being is that someone may be reading and if I fail to post then – well – I fail. I made a committment to write something – anything – each day of 2010 and so far, because of this blog, I have kept to that committment. Sitting at my bench in the early morning I often have no idea what or even if I will write. It all begins with the stroke of a pen on a blank page – the hardest thing in the world and yet the most rewarding for a writer – to mark the blank page even if only with one single word . . . . and the word for today? Unctuous.

slow the show down to ground the lost and the found from one day to next seek not to be perplexed or vexed per chance the dance goes on from ten to one and then it’s gone for more or less for worse for best each one is blessed from day to day in every way in work or play ho hey they say whilst day and night we seal our plight from must or might the one delight is – alright?

Reading Rilke – The Poet’s Guide To Life and paused a while over this little thought;

Life has been created quite truthfully in order to surprise us (where it does not terrify us altogether).

Surprise or terror the thing is that life must always be welcomed as event full. We must never simply allow it all to happen while we drift in a half sleep unaware of all that passes before us. Rilke goes on to say;

How poor we are in imagination, fantasy, and expectation, how lightly and superficially we take ourselves in making plans, only for reality then to arrive and play its melodies on us.

May we have ears to hear the melodies and courage enough to dance to their tune . . . .

from across the room I observe
take a slow deep breath to quell
fierce emotion drawing tears
at the sight of my own daughter
with her own daughter
tears that take away the breath I
hope to hold as a concealment for
my complete amazement
I am undone

There is much talk of intention as a force, a universal creativity that we can tune in to in order to realise our dreams or achieve our goals. I have an instinctive sense that there is something at the heart of this idea regardless of the possibility for wackiness. There are many times when I imagine something or hope for something or even just have a vague sense of something and almost without realising it that very something will – even in some small measure – manifest in my experience. I am not however at a place where I could say that by focusing my intention on something I am able to manifest it in some magical way – this is where I probably part company with the power of intention gurus who advocate that we can have whatever we want if only we would tap into the universal laws of attraction. I actually hanker after the idea but something inside me (my natural skepticism?) keeps me from going all the way – that is why I find myself in tension with intention. Even so, I find the idea fascinating and it is my intention to give the matter some further thought . . . .